Spring Cleaning: Friendship Edition

It's that time of year again where snow is melting, birds are chirping and people seem to be more pleasant.  I made a decision about 2 weeks ago to spring clean. But this year I did my spring cleaning a different way. I made the decision to end a friendship. By taking time for myself and reflect on this particular friendship, I came to the conclusion that the friendship wasn't what I wanted or need. I  want to take this time and blog about this today because I feel like this topic, friendships and deciding when to move on from one is something that many people think about. I'm here today to simply tell you that it's okay to end a friendship and that

there is nothing wrong with you

for choosing to do so. It is your life and you really truly only live once.

The things I took into consideration when debating to end this friendship was most importantly how I feel around this person. I felt like I was in defense mode whenever she was around. I felt like no matter what I said or what I did it was never enough. I was fine the rest of my day, except for when I would see her or her name light up my phone. I was tired of having my stomach be knotted and have anxiety because of her. I know that nobody in this world is perfect and I wasn't looking for her to be. I know that people go through rough patches and have their own problems. I was sick of being the punching bag when things weren't working out right for her. I never knew how she was going to be from one day to the next. I was bored living my life according to her standards and then feeling like there is something wrong with me because I couldn't conform to them. 

I realised that this friendship was unhealthy when my mom noticed how different I was acting around her. After listening to my mom and not automatically dismissing her, I realised that she was absolutely right. My "friend" had been attacking my self confidence and making me feel like I was never good enough. She was controlling, opinionated and rude. Don't get me wrong being opinionated is okay- until it crosses the line of being disrespectful and diminishes one's confidence. I was tired of having things be her way or no way. If she wasn't happy or getting her way then I couldn't be happy. If she didn't want to do something, then she would become angry with me for not staying home all weekend and living her life. I also noticed how my other friends were slowly backing away from me due to this friendship. The texts slowly stopped along with the invites to places. But as soon as I ended the friendship I found a lot more to do and people to hang out with. It's amazing how eliminating negativity, drama and stress from your life can make room for so many wonderful things.

No, I didn't make a scene in front of people and declare our friendship to be over. I handled it between the two of us. After our talk,I cleaned out social media. I deleted her off facebook, Instagram, etc.. If I'm not friends with her anymore, there is no reason to keep her on my social media and in my life when I don't want her to be. 

The last factor that made me end the friendship was how she treated me. It seemed that no matter how many boundaries I would put up, no matter how many times I said "do not talk to me like that" or "you need to stop, you're being rude" she never did. I had enough of being a doormat. I will not have anyone treat me like I am nothing and a nobody. Because I am someone, I'm me. I'm unique and different than everybody else. And so are you. I hope that if the same is happening to you, or someone you know, that you realise this is not the way to be treated. I also would like you to please be honest with yourself and take a look at how you have been treating others. Is it with kindness and respect? or love?  If not, please make a change! I can not stress to you enough that words hold so much power. Everytime you speak, you have the power to build someone up or tear them down. 

I want to leave you with this quote my mom sent to me right before I ended my friendship. This further made me believe that I was doing the right thing. I hope this post, along with the quote below can prove to be helpful for you.

Love,

Macaila